Friday. Wednesday I bought crisps and cheese and a bottle of wine. Drank 3 pints in the bar (Jarvis now) and eat a sandwich. Then up to room and drank the wine and eat most of the crisps. Disgusting. Oh yes bought a new pair of pedals and a rear gear for my training bike from a bike shop in Bolton. Good shop, lots of equipment & frames, cheaper than the shop in Horwich. Last night was going for a meal, (yes, just say where and what time) which as the day went on was changed into a later meeting at the Trafford Centre. Went to M61 services & bought a red bull & sausage roll. Went up to look at the clear view north from Anglezarke. The whole coast from Morcambe Bay down towards Liverpool. Arranged to meet later at hotel. That didn't happen which pissed me off a little. Tried an alternative arrangement but no good. Was going to meet for a coffee & I did say I would stay over this evening, but really I want to get home. Next Monday. Maybe. And sat and drank bottle of wine, then some lager early in the morning (00.30) in the bar.
Now I have coaching details to fill in for Mark. I hope this focuses my mind on athleticism and can slow my vast intake of alcohol. Hopefully.

Hee hee, Wednesday, in the bar for 3 lagers, but I already bought a bottle of wine.

Dear blog. What am i at ? After last year, especially after my last race i thought i could cut it as a road racer again. Then my early training seemed good, I was riding hard and dropping the other guys onthe hills. Then along came my first race, it was cold and I felt crappy, finished in the bunch.
Didn't try particualry hard. Next race, the Wyre Forest Hilly, cold again and did a rather poor time. Then the 4-up in which I was dropped after a few miles. That made me feel rather bad. So my feeling I could do 'something' at the start of the year has gone. Now I am going to pay for a coach. For 6 months and then see how I'm doing. Maybe its the drinking. Like I keep saying I'll stop, this week will be my last week, but again and again I drink too much in these bloody hotels I live in during the week. Like last night, double rum, pint of lager and two bottles of wine. Far to much. At least I didn't eat lots of crisps and cheese, which is my other failing. Where am I going with Hazel ? What does she think, that I will come up and we will live together in a cottage in the hills ? Niether of our lifestyles would
suit that. Is this just some romantic idea she has to make life better ? I just have racing as my ideal to make life better. It has got rid of my fat, made me fit, reduced my alcohol intake a little, but not enough. This plan of going home to train keeps me out of the hotel bar for one evening at least. But I will probably be back in the bar on Wednesday or Thursday. I did notice by not drinking lots of beer or lager, keeping to excessive amounts of wine, I don't feel too bad today. Also by eating a good meal I think that helped. Winston Churchill said always eat well when you drink well, or words to that effect. And I guess that doesn't mean eating a very large bag of black pepper crisps and cheese. Ho hum. I wonder what routine my coach will set me ? I should set out my aims for next year. One is to finish in
the top 20 of the National Veterans series. I think there are 4 or 5 races. These are 60 plus miles, I now know I can race this distance after riding a few this year. My other aim is to get under the hour in a '25, and close to 22 minutes in a '10. I know both of these are achievable. I did 22.50 to win the Concorde club '10 championship in 1988. That was on a road bike, so with aero extensions I should knock 1 minute off that. I did a 1.00.50 ? In a '25 on a rolling course, up round Bassets Pole in 1988. So the magic 50 something minutes is possible. Apart from that what else with my life ? Joanne will maybe be going to University in September next year. David will just plod along with school, so what difference will Joanne going make ? Will she go ? Work ? What will happen, is the economy going to slide into recession, will we get more work ? I have work until early next year, but will the company continue with us doing this ? Will I have to go to another bit of the company to earn a crust ? Are we going towards a major slump, the auguries don't look good, increasing oil prices, US problems. Both the US and us in the UK are increasing Govt. spending at alarming rates. That has been a recipe for the usual cyclic downturns combined with rising taxes combined with rising inflation. The tax rises will hit me next year with the National Insurance rises. This will also hit companies who will no doubt cut jobs to lower their wage bills. Public sector workers are getting big pay rises and looking for more. This is just so much like the seventies all over again. I just can't beleive this Govt. can be making the same mistakes as their predecessors. Fools. I just won't plan my life in advance, as you never ever know. Just plan it in little bits. I had a plan at the end of 1998 and into 1999 to move into consultancy but that just didn't happen. I was happy with my lot up until mid 2001, pay rises and bonuses seemed to happen nicely, and I was good at what I did. Then along came this god-awful document design thing, Optio. It seemed good when I went for training in Atlanta, but when I first worked on the product in Dartford it wasn't so good. Then when I realised what was wnated at I-R I felt bad. Then with the debacle of my quotes for the work, with I-R people laughing at the initial days I felt worse. And so it continued with feeling bad form July 2001 until pretty well recently. Thats no way to live, feeling constantly
unhappy with my work, little wonder I'm still drinking heavily. Ho hum.

Oh yes straight in the bar for a bacardi & coke. Then pint of Hufflestufflermiester lager, then steak, mushrooms & chips, then bottle of wine with cheese & (stale !) biscuits whilst watching telly. Then, another bottle of wine chatting in the bar, until 01.00 ? Woke up in bed with lights on feeling none too good. Up lots of water, resolve ultra then and breakfast, now (11.00) feeling OK. Going home later to do circuit training & turbo with the club. Back to Jarvis me thinks tomorrow. Maybe a meal out too.

Its one of 'those' days. What days ? The day when I feel all washed-out now. Weekend - Saturday struggled to unsucessfully build up winter bike. At 15.00 I got fed up and went out for a ride round Alvechurch & Beoley. Nice and bright, cool. Bought some beer & wine in the evening. Sunday got up early and went to watch a 2-up with 2 Birmingham CC teams riding. Cold, very cold and I did'nt wear gloves and my hands were totally frozen. I noticed frost on the grass by Lea End, it got much colder as I went downhill into Hopwood. I stopped a couple of times and tried to warm them. Watched a bit of the race, saw Pete looking cold. In the evening Joanne said printer wasn't working, after a lot of struggling I found there was a hardware conflict, caused by another driver using the same resources. This was a sound driver I tried out on the non-working souind card, so got rid of it and all OK. That didn't put me to bed feeling good. Alarm went off at 5.15, just couldn't wake up. Traffic on the M6 was appaling, lots of lorries, and it was wet. Solid on the M62 bridge so carried onto J27, I should have gone down the M61 even thought it was further. Getting off at J27 there were roadworks on the bridge (i knew that) and going through Standish was slow. Just felt bad. Got Badly Drawn Boy's latest single which cheered me up somewhat. I really feel like a good drink, which is bad news, as I'm in the Swallowfield. I might just hit the bar when I get in. Tempted to stay in Manchester on Wed and Thu. Except I worry about parking. So it might be the Jarvis then, again.

Another fucking Monday. What more is there to say ?